I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
