do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
