Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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