I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize