I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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