I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
