i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
