there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize