Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
