If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize