so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
