Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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