chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
