I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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