i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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