so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize