so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
