Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
