Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize