Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
