I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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