Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
