i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
