I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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