It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
