That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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