he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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