you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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