We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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