That's intense
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
