She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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