I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
