yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
