I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
