Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
