I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
babies were throwing up all over the place
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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