last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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