Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize