I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
