who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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