never play flip cup with pint glasses
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
