You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
