if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A bitchslap is in order.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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