Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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