Nicole vs. Life
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
