dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize