I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
