I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You need Xanax blowdarts
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
