but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
