I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
