i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
