Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
