My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
