No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
