do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize