My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
