New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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