I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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