A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize