is your mom at the bar?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
