the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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