Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
