All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i think i just lost a toe
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