you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish there were birth control emojis
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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