I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
