why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
