one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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