Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
where am i from again
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
