chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
