You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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