Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
