I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize