the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
