I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
