So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
