i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
