Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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