We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
